At Peace...

It's just how I feel. I went to find an image on google images. I typed in at peace and this is the first image that came on. Isn't it so very fitting? Really, I'm almost near tears right now....it's such a sign from Creator.

Before you all think I'm crazy...on Sunday, I went to a healing ceremony for a friend of ours. I went through a quick sweat and after a while the ceremony began. It's a long ceremony. Obviously, my thoughts and prayers were mostly filled with prayers for our friend and his family. But I have to bashfully admit, that in the 3 hours, I did some prayers for myself. I know I don't have any serious ailments. Nothing that can or needs to be fixed with a procedure or modern medicine. But I had such a burden on my heart. So sick of trying and trying to succeed at something and ALLOWING myself to fail. I want this this time. I thought last time was THE time, but it wasn't..THIS was it. I'm ready.

I prayed to Creator to help me get healthy. I asked Creator to give me the strength and the will to be strong, resist temptation, put myself first, take care of myself, take pride in myself, love myself more than I love all of those around me put together. That's a hard prayer to say. You feel greedy, selfish, self-serving. At least I did. But there are just times that you need to be. You can't love someone(s) so much that you put their needs/wants/health before yourself. You can't care about others to the point that you are hurting yourself. You have to love yourself more BECAUSE you love them so much. Because I want to be around for so long.

I need to fix my daughters' veils when they get married. I need to beam with pride when my son graduates from college. I need to sit next to Mario on a rocking chair in our front yard when we're old and gray (or grayER for him) and look over our grandchildren playing in the yard. These things I need to do. There is no ifs ands or buts about it.

Lastly, I asked Creator for patience. This will not happen overnight. I'm convinced it will take a year, perhaps two for me to finally have a lifestyle where I am happy, confident, healthy and successful. But it will happen. This week has been a snap. NO temptation. NO desires or cravings. I've stuck to my meal plan and upped my workouts. I've taken the long way to the potty. I've parked further in the parking lot. I've ordered McDonalds with a grilled chicken salad and balsamic vinegar and only ate a couple strips of the chicken and gave the rest to Mickey. I've been in a restaurant and ordered not only what I wanted but what was the best/healthiest for me to eat from that sin-filled place of temptation! ;-)

It honestly wasn't until I saw that picture right now that I remembered that I had asked for all of this. I was so overcome with my emotions for my friend that I completely forgot that I had made the step to ask for something just for me. I remember now the ancestors telling us all that we would have a blessing soon. This was mine. I'm so thankful. So incredibly, completely, tears brimming over thankful. It is true. You get what you ask for. I'm so grateful that I asked. I hope you all can do the same if there's something you need. Wishing you ALL the inner peace that I currently feel. It's such a blessing and a gift. Thank you Creator.