I'm no longer afraid of what I can't do. I'm afraid of what happens if I don't try.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

And...a Better Sunday!!

I've had a tough weekend. Both emotionally and chocolately...lol. I'm more than sure there is a definite correlation there.

A friend of mine lost her baby this week 8 weeks into her pregnancy and I feel extremely incompetent as far as the advice I was able to give her..which was none. I just can't fathom going through that...and it made me so so sad to see her so upset and angry..but I know it's part of the healing process so I just needed to give her some space and let her get through it. (But you all know how MUCH I need to be able to fix things)

My brother isn't doing so well. I got a terrible text message from him today that is too personal to even get into with you, my faithful amigas. Another situation that I wish I could wave my magic wand and fix....another situation that I need to sit back and let him work through.

My quote on the espacio this week was "sometimes there are no words, only prayers"...it's so true. And this has been a day of spiritual awakening. And on Resurrection Sunday, my faith in Creator is rejuvenated and my belief in the promise that we will never get more than we can handle has been renewed. I don't always get things, but I don't need to. All I can do is try to be a good example and a good friend to those that need me to be, knowing that I don't have to beat myself up if they don't walk away from me with all their ducks lined up in a row.

And so tomorrow is a new week. And my goal of 10 more pounds by 4/12 is starting anew. I have called out my comadre to join me for this week and we can be really great motivators for each other when we want to be...:-) The good news is that I got rid of the weight that I had gained back last week during my sleepy days..so here we go....JOURNALING, MORE EXERCISE and COMMITMENT are here and HERE TO STAY......I'm going to try to blog every day...just like when I hadn't gotten a call from my brother in 2 weeks-if I disappear, I'm up to NO GOOD so check me ya'll!

Happy WEEK!!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Good Friday

This has nothing to do with fitness or being healthy except that it has majorly affected my mental health for the day.

I called in to work because I didn't realize the girls had an inservice day today. So I called in to stay home with them. We had a busy day planned, part of it including a picnic at the park. Suddenly I get a call from a coworker/friend. She asked if I had talked to BB (my sister--yes, we have the same nickname..lol). I said no and asked why. She said there was just a fight right now so maybe call her to see if she's okay and not too stressed. No big deal. Sadly, it's not a school day if there isn't at least one fight. But I call her and she answers the phone, her voice shaking. I asked if she was okay and she said she had just gotten socked in the face trying to break up a fight. I said wait..who's fighting. And she said EVERYONE B, everyone! The entire quad had small groups fighting, objects being thrown, word was that a a knife was pulled out, there were about 20 cops there. I asked her if she wanted me to come in and she said I gotta GO as they called her on the radio.

Now if you know me, then you know I threw on the closest real clothes I could find, and left Mickey in charge and drove to school. What I saw was surreal. The entire campus was clear, seriously with our truant situation, that is not normal. But the parking lot was strewn with cop cars. And they were parked all crazy like they had just pulled up and run out of their cars. I walked towards my office and saw a small group of students near some officers, yelling at some students in a nearby classroom, calling them out to fight. With a quickness I left confused, baffled, nervous mode and hit mean, tyranical mom mode.

I yelled at the kids outside to not make things worse for themselves and went over to that classroom where of course, a sub was present (no offense Gina--it wasn't a YOU kind of sub). When I walked in, the kids had torn the classroom apart and the sub said they had been banging on the door, windows, screaming yelling, etc. I told her just to give me a list of the parents that i DIDNT have to call and oh man I went into hurt your feelings lecture mode. I told them who do you think you are to disrespect this school, this classroom, these teachers and officers this way? Would your mom like it if I came to your home and tore it apart? You kids think this is the real world you're in in here and that your a bunch of bad asses. You start fights with each when there's cops & teachers nearby because you know they'll stop them. You're not going to do anything so stop playing the role. Yes, you're stuck inside for a ridiculously long time. Yes, you're being held because of something you didn't do, but your reaction to the situation is up to you and you failed miserably. You are not 3 year olds who can't be trusted to behave like respectful young people.

One of the kids says, but we didn't do nothing. I said doing nothing..in this situation is as bad as doing something wrong. If you're not helping the situation, you're making it worse. I am giving you 3 minutes to get this room back in order and those that get up and do SOMETHING will not receive a call home from me. They all sat there and stared at me. I looked at them and semi-smirked and said, ya, you guys are right....YOU are the young people who are happy to "do nothing"...BOOM they sprang into action and fixed that room from top to bottom. I told them that if I heard one more SOUND from their room, their parents would know of the situation before they even got home. When that poor sub left she was shaking. She thanked me for helping her and I apologized to her for her welcome to our school.

In any case, from there I had a version of the Breakfast Club in my classroom so I had to supervise them for 5 minutes and then escorted them off campus. The entire school was on Code Blue (look it up. lol) and it took about 45 minutes to completely evacuate the school. I'm telling you, it was madness. And I am carrying a huge amount of guilt for not being there to help my sister when the initial riot broke out. After school she thanked me for coming. Come on, how could I not? Mickey said that he feels God kept me home with them to protect me. I know he's right but I still feel bad about it. The good thing is she got a lot of praise and recognition for her role today which is great because she's been so shaky about being in the position as campus monitor for the last few weeks. She is just subbing until the end of the school year but I think she proved that she can handle herself. I'm very proud of her!

Good Friday. I know today is nothing compared to the sacrafice that was made for me during Good Friday. It is only through my faith and the ultimate example of compassion that I can try to make sense of what moves young people to behave in such a destructive, hateful manner. I need that faith to continue on and not punish every child for the mistakes of those before him. I know they are lost and I am so grateful that I do not have that lost feeling myself and am raising three young people to have that feeling of security and love in their spirituality, each other and their culture. Come Tuesday of their return, their slate is wiped clean and I will look at them again as what they are...children.

And to end all this rambling with the song that brought me to weeping tears during Good Friday service tonight...

Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost,
but now I'm found.
Was blind but now I see.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I need a GYM!!

No seriously I do! My boss and I have been trying to get a free membership to her daughter's gym for a month now. Our schedules suck! We're like an old married couple trying to come up with a date for a date...not one day matched this week. ARGH..I'm tempted to throw caution to the wind and just join the new on up the street. I wonder how long Mo would be mad at me for doing it......no, seriously...

Monday, March 17, 2008

Any differences yet???


So far......

Okay....so let me give you the back drop on this hot check to the right of me. She is one of my best friends, my youngest's godmother, beautiful, almost funnier than me... and the skinniest bitch I know. LOL. I HATE taking pictures with her and avoid it at all costs as is apparent by my lack of photographs with her through the years. I always feel like a 10 with her....as in she's the 1 and i'm the zero (as in round, no i don't really think i'm like..a zero, like a loser), except in these photos, I guess it'd be more like 01. LOL. Okay no seriously, I'm not self-bashing, its just the truth..and i CAN handle the truth (as long as it's sugar coated with pretty packaging).

Anywho. The first picture was about a year ago. A year and 2 months to be exact. The second picture was this past weekend. When I saw it I couldn't believe it. I actually....LOVED IT. Like I was happy with the way I looked and I had to do no photo-editing to it whatsoever..lol. I mean, it's still obvious that my cranium is like...10 times the size of hers..but I don't look like a godzilla next to her either. I wonder if this is how it will be. Slowly but surely I'll start to be more and more happy with photographs.....(we won't bring up the ones i took the next day when i was hungover and hiding eggs..lol)

Or is it...my age-old trick that I've always said....photograph from above someone's height not at someone's height to make them appear slimmer. And my photographer of the night was mo..who is obviously taller than me by a solid foot...oooh ooh, i found a loophole though...we were standing on a platform above him..so if anything, he was AT level with us..not above....definitely not below, but totally not above...YEA! oh the little things that get me through the pounds...night ya'll!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Surrrriously ya'll. Don't be afraid to ask for exactly what you want. It's so incredible to realize who is listening. I had a horrible week last week. The time change really really affected me. Sunday I did some reflection and realized that i needed to start my new week the right way. This morning I woke up and all the way to work, I asked Creator for motivation, for determination, for strength to resist the temptation that comes every work day in the form of...MY SISTER (she's a sabatoger, not a supporter! lol).

It's almost ridiculous how fast it all happened. I had no temptation today...even WHEN looking at a chocolate pie, caramelo bar and powdered donuts (apparently, the breakfast of champions!)

And then it gets creepy. I get home and am ready to sit down for a minute and instead walked right over to the dvr and put my WATP dvd. I did the 1 mile, then went on and did the 2 mile workout and then added on an additional 1 mile. I ended it all with some strength training. Ridiculous. I don't even feel exhausted. I muted homegirl on the video because she annoys me and stuck my ipod on so I was singing the workout away. lol. Oh my poor children and their precious little ears......

Anyway, I'm all caught up on the sleep I guess...and ready to tackle the week. I didn't weigh in last week, because really, I don't like it when other people hurt my feelings and why would I hurt my own on purpose...I'm not THAT rude....sheesh...so of course, I know I gained something...we'll see what I can do this week. I got a 10 pound goal by 4/12............